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Promoting
Responsibility Newsletter - November
2002
PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 2, No.11
November, 2002
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Implementing the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
6. Your Questions Answered
7. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING
GIVEN NAMES - When NOT to Use Them and when TO Use Them
8. Discipline Chat Room for Teachers
9. What Jim Cathcart, author of "The Acorn Principle: Know
Yourself—Grow Yourself" says about the Book:
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS"
About
the Author
About this Newsletter
In our shrinking world of globalization and
problems associated
with different languages, the European Union commissioners have
announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as
the preferred language for European communications--rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c."
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c" will be replased with "k." Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f." This will make
words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v."
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou," and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to
ozerkombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst place.
With thanks to Anne Louise Grimm
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| 2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY |
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The old story told of a banker who often
dropped a coin in a
beggar's cup bears repeating.
Unlike most people, the banker would insist on getting one of the
pencils the beggar had with him. The banker would say, "You are
a merchant, and I always expect to receive good value from the
merchants with whom I do business."
That daily routine went on for some time, but one day the poor
street beggar was gone. Time passed, and the banker forgot about
him.
Years later the banker walked by a little store, and there was
the former beggar, now a shopkeeper. The shopkeeper said, "I
always hoped you might come by some day. You are largely
responsible for my being here. You kept telling me I was a
merchant. I started to think of myself that way--instead of as a
beggar looking for handouts. I started selling pencils, lots of
them. And today I've got a little business. You showed me
self-respect. You influenced me to look at myself differently."
Can people change? Of course they can. But the change is often
preceded by your expectations for them.
But how do you develop expectations which will
empower people
when some people aren't very nice or very likeable.
The answer is to use response-choice thinking. Whatever the
situation, stimulation, or urge, you can choose your response.
Don't allow someone else's negative attitude to determine yours.
Be a Johnny Appleseed. When some seeds take hold, you will enjoy
the taste of your planting.
More about choice-response thinking is described on pages 10-14
in the book at http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com.
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| 3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS |
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Andrew Carnegie, the first great industrialist
in America, at one
point had 43 millionaires working for him. A reporter asked him
how he hired all of those millionaires. His answer was that none
of them were millionaires when he hired them.
The reporter inquired, "Then what did you do to develop them so
they become millionaires?"
Carnegie responded that you develop people the same way you mine
gold.
He said, "You go into a gold mine and you expect to remove tons
of dirt to find an ounce of gold. But you don't go into the mine
looking for the dirt; you go in there looking for the gold."
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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In August, 1986, Lee Iacocca, then President of
Chrysler,
addressed the company's car dealers at their annual convention
held that year in Atlantic City, NJ.
Iacocca’s message was to tell his dealers how they could increase
their business in the next year. To succeed, he said, "All you
have to do is memorize four words. Here they are: 'Make someone
like you.'"
Jim Cathcart's book, "Relationship Selling," was a forerunner and
still a best seller on the importance of this concept. You see,
even the slowest salesperson realizes that you can't make the
customer angry and sell him something at the same time.
Here are some questions to ponder in your relationships with
others:
If I were a child, would I want me as a parent?
If I were a student, would I want me as a teacher?
If I were an employee, would I want me as a boss?
If I were married, would I want to be married to me?
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| 5. Implementing the RAISE
RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM |
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Each time you coerce someone into doing something
by using your power of authority, you deprive
that person of an opportunity to become more responsible.
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QUESTION
I'd appreciate your advice on handling a few children who persist
in behaving at Level B, even after I have "checked for
understanding" and have proceeded with "guided choices."
Today I told one of my students who hit another child,
"I want you to stay in our classroom, but if you act
on Level B again, you are telling me that you want to
keep on making your own rules for the class."
RESPONSE
Next time, ASK the student if he would like to stay in the
classroom. Then ASK him on what level he would need to behave to
remain in the class.
Follow this up by ASKING him what he will do when he gets the
same impulse again. Elicit--and you can help him develop--a
PROCEDURE he can follow when the same impulse occurs again. The
procedure needs to be simple. He can stand and sit, rub his ear,
frown and smile, or tap his toe five times--anything he can
remember to do.
Role play with him by having him practice the procedure with you.
Ask him to periodically think about and practice the procedure
again so that when the impulse arises he will be in control,
rather than being a victim of his impulses.
If he has difficulty, keep on asking him if he want to continue
to be a victim.
Notice how reflective questions work. They
empower by implying
the person is capable, they are noncoercive--so the person is not
defensive, and they encourage better choice-making.
Establishing, practicing, and reinforcing a procedure for
redirecting impulsivity also assists.
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| 6. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED |
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QUESTION:
Dear Dr. Marshall,
I stumbled upon an article entitled, "Reducing Perfectionism,"
and it was enlightening. I am a principal of two rural buildings
and I often direct my teachers to articles and readings that will
promote success in the classroom.
I was wondering if you had any ideas or strategies for a child we
would like to help. His teacher is frustrated because he takes so
very long to complete his work. He is very neat, precise and
there is no issue with his learning. He is successful, but his
tendency is to be perfect. It must look right, by his perception,
before moving on....it's this moving on that we need to trigger.
I am open to any strategies that may get him to move on and
quicker, but still be conscious of doing a good job.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We have tried the
timer, to no avail. We have also accomplished getting him to
stop making a meticulous darkened circle and an exact curve to
make commas...whew!
Thank you for your time.
P.S. We have parents working on steps toward a neurological or
psychiatric work-up so we are moving in the right direction, but
the teacher has only so many minutes in a day. She is utterly
patient, and doing a fine job building his self esteem. He is a
new student to our school.
RESPONSE:
"Reducing Perfectionism" is a section in Chapter 4, PROMOTING
LEARNING, in my book and is posted on that website
http://DisciplineWithoutStress.com.
Give the student an assignment. Have him explain the following
aphorism, "You cannot be perfect and learn at the same time."
A few examples may help. (1) Have him assume that he is playing
the piano and makes a false note. Ask him if he will conclude
that he has no musical talent? (2) Have him assume he is playing
baseball and strikes out. Ask him if he will assume that he has
no athletic skills? (3) Have him assume that he misspells a word
on a spelling test. Ask him if he will assume he has no writing
skills?
Let him know that PERFECTIONISM is a burden no one is strong
enough to carry without permanent damage to the body, mind, and
spirit. Many young girls make themselves victims of anorexia
nervosa because they think they have to be perfect in order to be
accepted.
Aiming at EXCELLENCE is worthwhile, but it also has its price--if
it is at the expense of some other experience or learning that
would be just as valuable (i.e., the next activity you want him
to do). Make the point that a WISE person decides WHEN the
QUALITY is excellent enough to move on.
When a person does not make such decisions, the person becomes a
victim of an impulse. Only the person who responds to impulses in
advantageous ways is in control--and thereby remains the victor.
ASK him which he prefers to be--the victim or the victor.
Teach the following procedure. Before starting any assignment,
(1) have the student anticipate the length of time he anticipates
the activity to take and (2) decide on the next activity he will
do.
Then, set a timer. At the end of the anticipated time, let him
know that he has enough control over himself to stop the first
activity and start on the second. When the anticipated time for
the second activity has expired, have him revisit the first
activity and determine how much more time still would be
necessary for it to be of quality work. The process continues for
each activity.
Next assignment: Have him outline a typical day in 15 minute
blocks. After reviewing it, make the point that successful people
have developed decision-making skills for time management. Time
management requires setting priorities.
Have him go through his list and list priorities of 1, 2, and 3.
1 = essential like eating and sleeping, 2 = what's really
important, and 3 = what he would like but is not as important as
1 or 2.
Ask him to list his priorities for one week using small cards
that will fit into his pocket for easy reference.
Periodically, ask him how his decision-making is going.
Let him know that unless he starts to focus on QUALITY, rather
than on perfection, his performance will lead to his not handing
assignments in on time. There will be too many assignments to do.
When an assignment is handed in after the due date, his grade
will be lowered resulting in the exact opposite of what he
desires, viz., getting a good grade.
He needs to start NOW. Ask him if he wants to replace his desire
to be perfect with a better choice of doing QUALITY LEARNING.
Help him in this regard. Role play the situation. Give him an
assignment with a time deadline. Let him know that it would be
purely practice and you would be willing to invest your time to
help him ONLY if he wants you to. If he says no to your offer,
let him know that he has the option of changing his mind.
Finally, have a discussion with him letting him know that he is
trying to be perfect to please the teacher, to receive a good
grade, or to be liked. (EXTERNAL motivation--Level C of the Raise
Responsibility System).
It is more important for him live a balanced life so that his
performance is a combination of both external motivation AND
INTERNAL motivation (doing all the assisgnments and his own value
of being pleased with quality performance). (Level D in the Raise
Responsibility System)
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7. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING |
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My PROMOTING LEARNING article on
<teachers.net/gazette> for this
month is about motivating students so they WANT to learn.
We often assume that students want--or should want--to learn.
Based on this mindset, teachers present information and just
expect students to be interested in the tasks presented to them.
It is important to remember that expecting students to do what
the teacher presents lacks some key motivational strategy of
ENTICING students to WANT to learn.
Motivational techniques to prompt students to WANT to learn is
at:
http://teachers.net/gazette/NOV02/marshall.html
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| 8. Discipline Chat Room
for Teachers |
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This month's chat room on discipline will be
held on Wednesday,
November 27 (last Wednesday of the month) from 5:00 p.m. - 6:00
Pacific Time at
http://teachers.net/meetings
Although I will answer any questions on discipline, the first few
minutes will be devoted to the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM.
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| 9. WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING
ABOUT THE BOOK:
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS
or REWARDS"
How Teachers and Parents
Promote Responsibility & Learning"
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"Discipline is not easy in our culture. Our
Puritanical past has
led to many wrong assumptions about how to channel behavior. In
this book, Marvin Marshall shows us how to overcome these
counterproductive patterns while promoting responsibility and
growth in young people. It is an important work, and I highly
recommend it."
Jim Cathcart
Author of "Relationship Selling" and "The Acorn Principle: Know
Yourself—Grow Yourself"
A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and
additional items of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
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Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and
training to
CORPORATIONS and ASSOCIATIONS on the topics:
Management without Stress
Promoting Responsibility in the Workplace
Increasing Effectiveness & Improving Relationships
Improving Communications
He conducts staff development for SCHOOLS and SCHOOL DISTRICTS on
the topics:
Discipline without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards
Simple Strategies for Dealing with Impulse Control, Anger
Management, and Conflict
Resolution
Character Development through Intrinsic Motivation
How to Promote Learning
He presents to PARENT ASSOCIATIONS on the topic:
Parenting without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards -
Keys to Raising
Responsible Kids
While Keeping A Life of
Your Own
See:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/speaking_keynotes.htm.
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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted
as long as the following link is included:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2002 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.
PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be
released to anyone.
Back issues are archived online at:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm
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