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Promoting
Responsibility Newsletter - October 2002
PROMOTING RESPONSIBILITY
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 2, No.10
October, 2002
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Implementing the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
6. Your Questions Answered
7. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING
GIVEN NAMES - When NOT to Use Them and when TO Use Them
8. Discipline Chat Room for Teachers
9. What Robert Danzig, former President of Hearst Newspapers,
says about the Book:
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS"
About
the Author
About this Newsletter
Someone invariably comments to me after a
presentation that my message also should be brought to the business arena.
I have finally decided to take that advice. On September 30, I conducted a
workshop on "Communications in the Workplace" to the publishing house of
Glencoe/McGraw-Hill. The round of applause concluding the interactive training
was appreciated. But more important to me was having the opportunity to help
others improve communications, become more aware of implicit messages, and
improve working relationships.
A speaking link was added to my website this week that contains a list of my
speaking topics. A video will soon be added.
If you are a member of a group or association that has speakers, please share
the site with them. It may lead to an opportunity for me to personally meet you
and discuss my approach in more depth.
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/speaking_keynotes.htm
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| 2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY |
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She was a vibrant picture of health and an
inspiring speaker. The audience was stunned to see a slide of her when she was
morbidly obese. She had lost 125 pounds and spoke about how diet and exercise
saved her life.
The question was asked what she did when she wanted to go off her diet and when
she didn't feel like exercising.
She described her 15-Minute Rule. She explained that when she had a craving for
something that she knew she shouldn't eat, she told herself, "I CAN eat that,
but I will wait 15 minutes."
Invariably something happened in those 15 minutes that got her mind off food.
She would make a phone call, check her e-mail, write a note, or get involved in
some activity. Sometimes, without getting involved in another activity, the
craving went away on its own.
Whenever she didn't want to work out, she conducted a little negotiation with
herself. She told herself that she would work out for 15 minutes and then
renegotiate. Ten percent of the time, she walked out of the gym after the 15
minutes. Ninety per cent of the time, however, the 15 minutes of activity broke
down her resistance and she continued her full work-out session.
So, for more responsible behavior, the next time you have a craving or are not
doing something you know you should, try the 15-Minute Rule.
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| 3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS |
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The late Norman Vincent Peale once said, "There
is only one group of people who do not have problems, and they are all dead.
Problems are a sign of life, so the more problems you have, the more alive your
are."
Although a tongue-in-cheek philosophy of life, there is some truth to this
pronouncement. Some people have relationship problems, others financial, some
career, others health, some social, others business. No one is immune to
problems in life.
Problems are not positive or negative. In a sense they are neutral depending
upon how you choose to see them and your responses to them. Epictetus made the
point more than 2,000 years
ago: "People are disturbed not by events but by their view of them."
The key is to realize that problems are part of life. Winners in the life cycle
accept adversities as catalysts to becoming better, stronger, wiser, and more
aware of the realities of life.
If your take a positive approach and view problems as CHALLENGES, your inner
chat changes--bringing you the opportunity to get a clearer vision of how to
deal with them.
You will also feel in control--rather than feel like a victim. And your
effectiveness will increase as you do.
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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The willow tree bends with the wind; it is
flexible and flowing. The oak tree is rigid, hard, stiff, and inflexible.
During a storm, the willow stays intact while the oak looses branches.
This is an important concept in life--especially regarding relationships and our
health. Being rigid and inflexible seldom brings about optimal results for all
concerned.
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| 5. Implementing the RAISE
RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM |
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+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Each time you coerce someone into doing something
by using your power of authority, you deprive
that person of an opportunity to become more responsible.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
With over 10,000 books sold, the number of people
using the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM continues to increase. The e-mails I
receive indicating success with the system is truly satisfying.
Therefore to assist people's implementation, on occasion
I will address a question received on the topic.
QUESTION
Marv, the counselors at my school have requested time at their counselors
meeting next month to present something about your "Raise Responsibility
System". They have been in my presentations and are implementing it this year in
their counseling sessions with the classes. They are VERY excited about it and
have already realized success. They are meeting with me to discuss their
presentation. I have requested that they wait until I have contacted you to find
out what you want said and how much. I explained to them that I had received
permission to present here in our school. However, I do not think it is fair to
you for them to try to teach what they are doing with it in their classrooms
unless they have permission and direction from you. Please send me your thoughts
about this presentation. It would be a great venue for them to at least spread
the word and direct people to you and your website. Also, the district leaders
will be there, including the superintendent and assistants.
Thanks for any responses you may have.
RESPONSE
The reason that I have not placed a service mark (trademark or registered mark)
after the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM is that some people would think that they
cannot use it without permission.
My desire is to have as many people exposed to actuating responsible behavior
through internal motivation as possible. Some will truly "get it"--that the keys
are: (1) being positive with students, (2) letting them know that to learn or
not to learn is their choice--that you won't force learning because you can't,
(3) that the most effective route to change is through self-evaluation and
reflection, (4) that only acceptable levels of behavior are allowed--levels C &
D, (5) that the way to have people change is through a noncoercive approach by
prompting them to reflect on the level of their chosen behavior, and (6) when
students act on an inappropriate level of A or B, it is far more effective to
ELICIT an activity from them so they have ownership--rather than to impose
punishment which promotes victimhood thinking and adversarial relationships.
Some people will take parts of the system and think they have the whole. But
this may be better than not encouraging them to start.
The more they read on my website,
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com and in the book at
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com, the greater their chances of getting
"the whole." When people start implementing the three principles (numbers 1, 2,
and 3) and the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (numbers 4, 5, and 6), they will
significantly reduce their stress when dealing with inappropriate behavior and
start to hear the birds sing, smell the fragrances of flowers, and taste the
internal joyful satisfaction of raising responsible citizens.
My recommendation is to encourage people to use the approach but also for them
to understand they are not really using the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM unless
they implement ALL of it. And this means teaching the levels of social
development, posting them in a hierarchical order, and using its
vocabulary--such as, "Corey is demonstrating level D behavior" vs. "I like the
way Corey is standing." (The first example acknowledges taking initiative using
INTERNAL MOTIVATION of doing the right thing, whereas the second statement
encourages EXTERNAL MOTIVATION of doing it to please the teacher.)
This also means honing the skill of asking reflective questions in a noncoercive
tone of voice and with corresponding kinesics (non-aggressive body stance and
gestures).
And it means ELICITING an activity from the student to help the student from
repeating an inappropriate behavior. This often means assisting the student
develop a procedure for responding to his impulses.
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| 6. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED |
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QUESTION:
I hope you can help me with my strong-willed
daughter. She
is very bright and got herself into some
difficulties by not wanting to obey her first grade teacher.
RESPONSE:
Explain to the teacher that your daughter is
extremely independent and that the teacher will have more success--and reduce
stress on everyone's part--if the teacher aims at EMPOWERING your daughter,
instead of overpowering her in attempts to get her to obey.
Encourage the teacher to talk in positive terms
and use a phrase such as, "I know you can do this because I have seen how
capable you are."
If you daughter is empowered, obedience will
come as a natural by-product.
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7. Teachers.net: PROMOTING LEARNING
GIVEN NAMES - When NOT to Use Them
and when TO Use Them |
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My PROMOTING LEARNING article on
<teachers.net/gazette> for this month is about the use of given names: when to
use them and when not to use them.
If you are "put off" by someone who calls you by your given name, rather than
your preferred name, you will enjoy the article.
The article is at:
http://teachers.net/gazette/OCT02/marshall.html
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| 8. Discipline Chat Room
for Teachers |
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This month's chat room on discipline will be
held on Wednesday, October 30 (last Wednesday of the month) from 5:00 p.m. -
6:00 Pacific Time at
http://teachers.net/meetings
Although I will answer any questions on
discipline, the first few minutes will be devoted to the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY
SYSTEM.
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| 9. What Robert Danzig,
former President of Hearst Newspapers,
says about the Book:
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS
or REWARDS" |
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"This timely work is on the mark in providing
rich, practical tools for every reader. Each chapter opens doors to fresh
insights and pragmatic road maps."
Robert Danzig, Former President
Hearst Newspapers
A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items
of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
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Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and
training to CORPORATIONS and ASSOCIATIONS on "3 Keys for Increasing
Effectiveness & Improving Relationships"; "Actuating Responsible Behavior"; and
"Improving Communications."
He conducts staff development for SCHOOLS on "Simple Strategies for Dealing with
Impulse Control, Anger Management, and Conflict Resolution"; "Discipline without
Stress, Punishments, or Rewards"; and "How to Promote Learning."
He presents to PARENT ASSOCIATIONS on the topic of "Parenting without Stress,
Punishments, or Rewards - How to Promote Responsibility."
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/speaking_keynotes.htm
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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted
as long as the following link is included:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2002 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.
PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be
released to anyone.
Back issues are archived online at:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm
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