Discipline without Stress^® Punishments or Rewards

Promoting Responsibility Newsletter - April 2003

PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 3, No 4
April, 2003

http://www.MarvinMarshall.com

IN THIS ISSUE:

 1. Welcome

 2. Promoting Responsibility

 3. Increasing Effectiveness

 4. Improving Relationships

 5. Your Questions Answered

 6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
    Free Mailring
    Your Questions Answered
    Impulse Management Posters and Cards

 7. Promoting Learning

 8. About the book
  
    About the Author

    About this Newsletter

As people in leadership positions become attuned to my approach of noncoercion, high expectations, and empowerment, they often comment that I should write a book for the BUSINESS ARENA.

The mantra in the book industry is that a book is sold by its cover and/or by its title. I would appreciate your assistance in choosing a title. It will take only a moment of your time.

If you are in business, government, or in any field where you are responsible for other people's performances or supervise others, please look at the titles below and HIGHLIGHT and COPY THE TITLE that would be the most appealing to you. In other words, if you saw the book on a bookshelf, which title would most prompt you to pick up the book.

(You are not limited to the selections below. If you have a title or subtitle that would appeal to you more, please send it.)

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: How to Manage with Less Stress and Greater Results

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: Three Keys to Motivate Your Employees and Achieve Greater Results

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: How to Motivate without Stress

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: Motivation without Stress

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: How to Motivate through the Power of Persuasion

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: Management for Greater Results

THE INFLUENCE FACTOR: How to Manage for Greater Results

After you have highlighted and copied your selection, click on the activated e-mail at mailto:Marv@MarvinMarshall.com. Paste your selected title (or your own suggestion) and "send" it.

Thank you.

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Until the 1960's, school books were replete with vocabulary words
like integrity, industry, work, perseverance, self-reliance,
self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility.

There was glorification of hard work and an emphasis on
education and self-discipline.

Many of our founding fathers wrote down principles which directed
their thoughts and actions. Among the best known of these people
were Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson.
The vocabulary words noted above were the basis of many of the
principles found in these people's journals.

To the chagrin of many of us who want to retain high standards of
civility, it is very common to hear expletives and formerly
unacceptable four-letter words used in daily conversations.

Not long ago, I was talking with a group of students who brought
up the topic of how a four-letter word was used so often in their
conversations. I responded by saying, "Autonomous people don't
need to use such language."

We talked about the meaning of autonomous behavior and the
difference between it and behavior to conform to others.

The next time I met with the students they reported that, since
our last meeting, they had not heard the word used.

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I share with you the greatest two-word tip of all time.

These two words are the single, best advice in improving your
effectiveness in any endeavor.

I encourage you to write these two words down and perhaps tape
them to your bathroom mirror so you will look at them every
morning as you begin your day. These two words can enhance your
career and bring more satisfaction and joy to your life. They can
literally change your life. If you are a classroom teacher, use
the two words with your students. If you are in an educational or
leadership position, use these two words to prompt improvement in
others. The two words are, "Extend yourself."

Write one more thank you, acknowledge that e-mail, make that
phone call, spend a little more time with those important to
you, share one more experience, help one more individual, do one
more thing today that you might have put off until tomorrow.

Extend yourself--and see the results not only for the other
person but, and perhaps more importantly, for yourself.

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Here are five suggestions for improving relationships--with
others as well as with yourself.

First, give affirmations. A simple acknowledgement can have
dramatic results. This is especially important with young people.
They want to assert their independence and autonomy. Just
acknowledging that you have heard their point of view--regardless
of agreement--can have a profound effect on how your growing
young one feels about the relationship.

Second, use quality listening time. Quality time is
quality-driven, not necessarily quantity-driven. Simply give your
full attention to the person speaking. By using eye contact, a
nod now and then, and occasionally interjecting a clarification
communicates that you are "with" the person--that you are not
only listening but hearing what the person is saying.

Third, share quality activity time. Engage in activities together
that are enjoyable. Walking and talking; watching the same video,
DVD, or movie; eating out. These are simple approaches to
togetherness.

Fourth, perform an act of service. Cleaning the table or other
ways of assistance in household chores, helping to take in the
groceries, making that extra cup of coffee in the morning in case
your mate would like it are all simple and easy examples.

Fifth, give gifts. Gifts do not necessarily have to be tangible.
Certainly a dozen roses, a fine dinner out, a new piece of
jewelry are welcome, but not necessarily necessary. Try touching;
give a pat on the shoulder; a rub down the back; or a hug,
cheek, or kiss. These are gifts--both to yourself and to the
other person.

Just remember that relationships are emotion-driven as well as
cognition-driven and that it is the little things in life that
really mean the most to all of us.

The connection between these and the counsel in "Increasing
Effectiveness" above should be readily apparent.

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QUESTION:

I viewed your website and agree totally with your ideas. However,
in order for your ABCD model to work, would it not require
compliance throughout the hierarchy?


RESPONSE:

I don't think you would want people to comply to anarchy or
bossing others. Also, you can only operate on one level at a
time--although we operate at different levels at different times.

Complying to directions is natural and acceptable. Parents teach
youngster to say, "Thank you," other cultural amenities, and
manners. These are not "intrinsic." They need to be taught and
learned. This is the prime reason why I refer to "internal"
motivation, rather than "intrinsic" motivation.

All young people are on level C as they grow. At a certain
developmental state, the youngster will, for example, say, "Thank
you" because it is the proper way to respond (level D) and the
parent will no longer have to tell or ask (Level C) to say,
"Thank you."

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+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You can share and learn more about the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


QUESTION:

I am returning to teaching after a 30-year absence and find that
CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT is once again my biggest challenge. Typical
high school behaviors I have experienced include LACK OF
INTEREST, MANIPULATION, INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, and DISREGARD FOR
RULES.

I recently attempted to implement the Raise Responsibility System
in my substitute teaching assignments and have experienced some
degree of success. Students seem to be somewhat dumbfounded when
I explain the behavior levels and start to quiet down and get
busy soon after I begin the first phase of reinforcement
--identifying the behavior level.

Since these subbing assignments provide so little time to
implement and reap the benefits of this system, I would welcome
any suggestions you might have for a substitute teacher.


RESPONSE:

Re: CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT - Most educators confuse classroom
management with discipline. Management has to do with procedures.
Teach your students procedures for EVERYTHING you want them to
do--how you want materials passed out and collected, how you
desire them to address you, etc. Also let them know your
expectations. Don't assume they know what YOU expect.

Read the article on the topic at
http://teachers.net/gazette/FEB03/marshall.html

Re: INTEREST - Let students know that if they decide not to
learn, it is their decision. You will not even attempt to force
learning; it can't be done. But you will not allow a student to
disrupt another person's learning.

In this mini-lecture, let your students know that no one suffers
from their lack of learning but themselves--that if they decide
to put forth the effort, they will be better off, more satisfied,
become more knowledgeable, and more pleased with themselves.
Emphasize that the choice to learn or not is theirs, not yours.
(Don't be surprised that when you use this approach, more
students will put forth effort. The reason is that you are using
noncoercion and are prompting them to reflect and self-evaluate.)

From an instructional viewpoint, tap into their curiosity--a
great motivator. Have them grapple with a problem/challenge about
the lesson BEFORE you start teaching. After they're involved,
then do your sharing.

MANIPULATION - Revisit level C. Discuss external motivation. When
people are manipulated, they become victims. A victor examines
the effort to manipulate him/her and then chooses to follow or
not. In contrast to Level C behavior, Level D behavior always
starts with the questions, "Will this help me become more
responsible?" "Is it the right thing to do?" and "Will others
benefit from my actions?"

INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE - Discuss the words "appropriate" and
"inappropriate." Pajamas are not worn to school, you no longer
drink from a baby bottle, and you don't yell at your parents if
you want something from them. These are simply inappropriate
behaviors. Similarly, when inappropriate language is used at
school, it is an attempt to gain favor or show off. Everyone
seeks, desires, and wants feelings of competency, importance, and
wishes to be liked.

Unfortunately, the immature person who uses inappropriate
language is operating at level C - Conformity--using
inappropriate language because the person believes it is the "in"
thing to do--to conform to the peer group. The person believes
esteem will be gained with peers, not even realizing that the
person is being manipulated by external motivation. In essence,
the person becomes a victim by allowing peers to define the
appropriateness of the person's language.

With this introduction, put the topic on the table for
discussion. After this little reflection exercise, you will see
dramatic improvements.

Finally, review # 2 of this e-zine. Be ready to use the statement
--or a variation of it such as, "Strong people don't need to use
such language."

Re: RULES - Use the term "Responsibilities" instead of "Rules."
Rules are expectations or procedures. If they are procedures,
teach them--as mentioned above. Read the article on the topic at
http://teachers.net/gazette/MAR02/marshall.html

Learning a procedure to respond appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

An explanation is sent with each poster purchased--as explained on pages 153 -155 in the book at http://www.DisciplinewithoutStress.com

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Learning a procedure to respond appropriately to impulses
is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

An explanation is sent with each poster purchased--as explained
on pages 153 -155 in the book at
http://www.DisciplinewithoutStress.com

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"This is an important, highly readable book for beginning
teachers struggling to find techniques that work-as well as for
experienced teachers and administrators tired of maladaptive
educational practices. Coupling solid research with countless
practical examples, Dr. Marshall has made a valuable contribution
to the literature. I highly recommend this book for everyone's
professional library."

Larry Litwack, Ed.D., Professor
Counseling and Applied Educational Psychology
Northeastern University
Editor-in-Chief
International Journal of Reality Therapy

A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and
additional items of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com

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Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and seminars to
CORPORATIONS, ASSOCIATIONS, and EDUCATIONAL GROUPS.

If you are looking for a speaker for your organization or know others who are, please refer them to
http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.

A short (8 minutes) presentation is available for viewing online..

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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted as long as the following link is included: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

COPYRIGHT:
 Copyright 2003 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.

PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be released to anyone.

Back issues are archived online at: http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm

If you enjoy this newsletter the following sites may be of Interest:

• This site explains the system that promotes discipline and motivation for academic achievement: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
• This site explains how using external approaches are counterproductive to promoting responsibility: http://www.AboutDiscipline.com
• This site gives details on the book "Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards": http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com