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Promoting
Responsibility Newsletter - March 2003
PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 3, No 3
March, 2003
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
Our circulation is now 3823--
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Your Questions Answered
6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
Free Mailring
Your Questions Answered
Impulse Management Posters and Cards
7. Promoting Learning
8. About the book
About the Author
About this Newsletter
"I think; therefore, I am"
is perhaps the most famous statement in the history of philosophy. The statement
by Rene Descartes, written in 1637, still has a significant influence on our
thinking in the 21st century.
The statement is the foundation of Cartesian dualism that separates the brain
from the body. In his book, "Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human
Brain," Antonio Damasio challenges Descartes' pronouncement.
Damasio, a Portugese-born M.D. and Ph.D., professor of Neurology, and head of
the department of neurology at the University of Iowa College of Medicine, and
adjunct professor at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla,
California, is the recipient of scores of scientific honors and prizes. He is
internationally recognized for his research on the neurology of vision, memory,
and language along with his contributions to the understanding of Alzheimer's
disease.
He contrasts the brain (neurological) with the mind (psychological) and
postulates that the brain, body, and mind are so interwoven by collections of
systems that they cannot be separated.
Contrary to traditional scientific opinion, Damasio provides convincing evidence
that feelings cannot be separated from cognition. In fact, our emotions
significantly effect our thinking.
He also postulates that internal communications are image-based. This is
especially dear to me since my approach is based on communicating positive
images.
Damasio gives the example that many people fear flying more than driving in
spite of the fact that a rational calculation of risk unequivocally demonstrates
that we are far more likely to survive a flight between two given cities than a
car ride between the same two cities. The difference, by several orders of
magnitude, favors flying over driving. And yet most people FEEL safer driving
than flying. The reason may be that we allow the image of a plane crash, with
its emotional drama, to dominate the landscape of our reasoning and to generate
a negative bias against the correct choice (pages 191-192).
Damasio shows neurologically two basic foundations of my approaches to promote
responsible behavior and learning:
1. A change in behavior is as much emotion-based as it is cognition-based, and
2. The human mind thinks in pictures, images, and visions. My corollary is that
if you want to influence a person to change behavior, empower them with positive
images--rather than overpowering them with negative ones.
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| 2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY |
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In a recent article
entitled, "Teaching Your Children Responsibility," the author stated the
following:
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"When you give a child an
allowance that's tied to doing chores or work, it becomes much more meaningful
and begins teaching children about the rewards and frustrations of having to
earn a living." |
This reasoning is very
common: REWARDS ARE THE RESULT OF WORK.
HOWEVER, THIS THINKING IS MISDIRECTED. Employment is contract-based. A wage is
compensation for services.
Therefore, tying an allowance to work is misdirected. The purpose for giving an
allowance is to generate an understanding of finance, budgeting, and experience
scarcity and wealth.
Let the youngster know that the reason for the allowance is to have some
spending money coupled with the experience of handling money.
Regarding chores: They are a natural result of living--be it with a family or by
oneself. Performing chores is an aspect of performing a service. It is this
"giving"--this service--that is the key to growth and a successful, happy life.
Young people deserve to have these basic understandings explained to them--both
the purpose of allowances and the purpose of chores.
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| 3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS |
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President Calvin Coolidge
said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not;
nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not;
unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of
educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
How many times have we given up only to find that one more attempt would have
brought success.
As a salesman and later a sales manager, my mantra was a four-letter word:
"Next!" Every rejection prompted this thought, which gave me optimism and kept
me going.
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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What we think is a simple
sharing of opinion can be construed by the other party as denigrating.
In such cases, it doesn't do any good to try to convince the person that the way
he or she feels is wrong. You need to deal with the way the person feels to
effect their thinking.
The most effective way to do this is to apologize--that your intent was not to
prompt poor feelings but rather just to share an opinion. Then acknowledge that
you accept their opinion--even if you differ with it.
That's what diversity means.
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| 5. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED |
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QUESTION:
Dear Dr Marshall,
I am mother of two young children (age 3 and 2). I just finished reading the
second chapter of your book about motivating. How can I apply the theories for
young children? I think without giving rewards and punishments it is hard to
make them learn appropriate/inappropriate behavior. Is it too abstract for a
preschooler to understand internal motivation?
RESPONSE:
Yes, your children are too young to understand the concept of internal
motivation. However, you can teach them appropriate behavior without using
rewards or punishments.
Here are a few techniques:
1. When the child does something that is not appropriate, lightly touch a wrist
and move your head sideways (in a "no" "no" motion). Persevere. You may have to
do this a number of times before comprehension sets in.
2. When the child starts to cry because he does not receive what he "needs"
(read: "wants" or "seeks"), hug the child. If crying continues, hug harder.
3. Divert the child's attention with another activity.
4. When your three-year-old is able to understand, continually use two phrases:
A. Show me what is the right thing to do.
B. What would a responsible person do?
Go to http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
and download "Tips for
Parents."
Enjoy their childhood.
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| 6. Implementing the RAISE
RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM |
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A free mailring--allowing you to pose
questions and give and get
feedback--has been established for the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY
SYSTEM. To join, go to http://www.groups.yahoo.com.
Then insert "Raise Responsibility System" in the search box.
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QUESTION:
I have heard you say that
not knowing a consequence is more effective than telling a student what the
consequence is. How is that since we are required to post consequences for
inappropriate classroom behavior?
RESPONSE:
When the concept of posting
consequences was first introduced, I was an assistant principal of a high school
of 3,200 students. My experiences at that suburban school, as well as my
counseling and administrative experience in urban schools in Los Angeles,
prompted the thought--which I still believe: When dealing with inappropriate
behavior, not knowing is more powerful and effective than knowing.
When someone knows a consequence for an inappropriate behavior, the risk is
reduced. But when the person does not know the consequence, the mind cannot make
a connection and leaves the person "hanging." The insecurity of not knowing what
will happen is unnerving and is more effective than the security of knowing.
You can prove this to yourself. The next time a student is behaving on an
inappropriate level on the hierarchy of social development, just whisper in the
student's ear, "Don't worry about what will happen. We'll talk about it after
class."
The student will immediately stop the disruption (your desired response) and
think about what is going to happen.
In addition, an imposed consequence has little effect on changing future
behavior. The proof of this is the number of times the same student is sent to
detention or referred to the office. The reason is that something IMPOSED lacks
ownership. Ownership of a consequence is necessary for promoting responsibility,
and it is essential for long-lasting behavioral change.
A more effective approach than imposing a consequence is simply to explain that
the behavior was inappropriate, and then ask, "What do you suggest we do about
it?" In the process, develop a procedure to help the person respond to his
impulses in an appropriate way. Without some procedure, some technique, the
youngster is just as likely to become a victim of his impulses in the futre as
he has been in the past.
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IMPULSE MANAGEMENT POSTERS and CARDS |
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Learning a procedure to
respond appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html
An explanation is sent with each poster purchased--as explained on pages 153
-155 in the book at
http://www.DisciplinewithoutStress.com
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My PROMOTING LEARNING
article on <teachers.net/gazette> for this month is about using the Raise
responsibility System to promote learning.
Read how the simple discipline system is used to tap into internal motivation to
PROMOTE LEARNING--something the teacher believes would never have been
accomplished using external manipulators.
The article is at:
http://teachers.net/gazette/MAR03/marshall.html
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| 8. About the Book
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS
OR REWARDS
How Teachers and Parents
Promote Responsibility & Learning"
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"This is the most
comprehensive book I have ever seen complementing Choice Theory (William Glasser).
It clearly explains practical ways to use internal motivation and noncoercive
approaches. I heartily endorse and recommend it."
Wayne O'Brien, Earth Science Teacher Campbell/Savona Central School District,
Campbell, NY
A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items
of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
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Marvin Marshall presents
keynote speeches and seminars to
CORPORATIONS, ASSOCIATIONS, and EDUCATIONAL GROUPS.
If you are looking for a speaker for your organization or know others who are,
please refer them to
http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.
A short (8 minutes) presentation is available for viewing online..
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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted
as long as the following link is included:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
COPYRIGHT:
Copyright 2003 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.
PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be
released to anyone.
Back issues are archived online at:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm
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