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Promoting
Responsibility Newsletter - May 2003
PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 3, No 5
May, 2003
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
Our circulation is now 4156--
If you received this issue as a forward, and would
like to
receive your own "Promoting Responsibility" free monthly
newsletter, simply enter your e-mail address at
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IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Your Questions Answered
6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
Free Mailring
Your Questions Answered
Impulse Management Posters and Cards
7. Promoting Learning
8. About the book
About the Author
About this Newsletter
Last Saturday on May 3, I
had the pleasure of presenting the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM to an elementary
school staff in the morning and then to parents in the afternoon in West Palm
Beach, Florida. The principal, a true educational leader, requested that I
include my videotape that is part of the IN-HOUSE STAFF DEVELOPMENT PACKAGE.
Having the 90-minute videocassette would allow teachers to review the three
principles to practice and the three parts of the RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM.
In addition, viewing the tape and having the 70-page Resource Guide would allow
future new teachers to learn the program in a quick and easy way.
In addition, having copies of the book would allow teachers to not only review
Chapter 3, which describes the discipline system, it would be an ideal source
for study groups because chapter 4 on promoting learning and chapter 5 on
teaching (plus chapter 6 on parenting) are not discussed in either the IN-HOUSE
SEMINAR PACKAGE or in a personal presentation.
The principal's request prompted the following policies which are now in effect:
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| 2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY |
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We have a moral
responsibility to be happy.
We owe it to our wife, husband or partner; our fellow workers; our children; our
friends--indeed to anyone who comes into our lives. If for no other reason,
people act more decently when they are happy.
If we equate happiness with success, we will never achieve the amount of success
necessary to make us happy. There is always more success than we can achieve. As
long as what we do is JOYFUL and MEANINGFUL, happiness will ensue.
Neither is money the cause of happiness. Some unhappy poor people have the
illusion that money will make them happy. (Unhappy rich people donít even have
that.)
Neither will fun bring happiness. Fun is temporary. Happiness is ongoing. Fun is
during; happiness is during AND AFTER.
An awareness of what brings happiness requires a great deal of thought for many
of us. It requires the discipline to overcome natural inclinations to do what is
most pleasurable at the moment, rather than what is most happy-inducing.
In order to be happy, we have to ask ourselves, "Will this--having this thing,
taking this action, relating to this person, purchasing this item, even dwelling
on this thought--have me become happier or unhappier?"
Dissatisfaction is what makes personal improvement possible --whether it be
better emotional ties to others, better personal ethics, or better personal
health. Indeed, anything that becomes better does so as a result of previous
dissatisfaction. Cherish human dissatisfaction, but do not allow it to prompt
unhappiness.
I try to be happy unless something happens that stimulates me to be unhappy. In
this case, I will be unhappy until I decide to be happy. This is based on my
"choice-response" philosophy. I have a choice as to whether to allow
dissatisfaction to direct my feelings. When my feelings are not what I would
like them to be, I start thinking of something else--or I change my activity.
In the "Welcome" of my March 2003 e-zine, I explained that cognition and
emotions are so tightly interwoven physiologically that separating them is
beyond our current scientific knowledge. However, our brain--rather than our
emotions or our nature--should be the arbiter of our happiness.
Practice reflection (along with my other two principles of positivity and the
empowerment of choice). Reflection prompts the most important source of
happiness: gratitude. Grateful people are happy people.
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| 3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS |
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If you truly want to manage
your time effectively, stop thinking in terms of amount and start thinking in
terms of priority. Divide priorities into musts and wants. Ensure that you have
ample time for the musts, then fill in the wants as needed, and ignore
everything that isn't on the priority list--unless you have still more time left
over. If not doing your wants creates problems, they will become priorities. If
not doing them doesn't matter, they will disappear. And if all of your musts are
work-related, throw out the list and start again.
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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Temper is what gets us into
trouble.
Pride is what keeps us there.
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| 5. YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED |
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QUESTION:
Why is change so difficult?
RESPONSE:
Change is not difficult; it just feels difficult because it is different from
what we are accustomed to doing.
Here's proof. Fold your arms. Now fold them in the opposite manner. Feel funny?
That's because you are not accustomed to it.
We do things because it "feels right"--regardless of how unsatisfactory or
unsuccessful it is. Anything new will feel a little funny or awkward. You need
to practice it a minimum of seven times before the brain makes new neural
connections so it "feels right."
Fold your arms in the manner in which you are not accustomed seven times in the
next 24 hours. You will see how much more comfortable it then feels.
When we realize that anything new--and that includes change--feels awkward or
funny at first, it becomes less difficult.
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| 6. Implementing the RAISE
RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM |
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You can share and learn more about the
RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem.
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QUESTION:
I teach Special Ed in an elementary school. I am starting to
present the social development hierarchy to my students. I have
used "behavior plans" in the past, but they have only promoted
"sneaky" behaviors. I hope to instill "proper" behavior by the
students. They are reluctant thus far. Are there any pointers to
help the reluctant student?
RESPONSE:
Let the students know that they are victims when they act on
their impulses--that they are lacking control over themselves.
Then ask the students if they really want to be victims (where
they are not in control)--or victors (where they are in control.)
To be a victor, respond to impulses in positive ways.
Otherwise, you are being manipulated.
Then let the students know that you will not force them to learn.
That is their choice. If they choose not to learn they are only
harming themselves, and that is their decision.
But you will not allow them to disrupt the class.
RESPONSE FROM THE INQUIRER:
Thank you for responding to
my question about the reluctant
students. I have taken this month to offer the idea of victims or
victors of their behaviors. I would like add that I have taken a
quote from the new "Harry Potter" movie to add to their way of
thinking.
Toward the end of the movie Alibis Dumbledore, the headmaster of
the Griffondore House, offers the following advice to Harry
Potter. "It is not our abilities that say who we are. It is our
choices."
I am finding this to be a fine phrase to offer to students, that
they are the one who decide what will happen in their lives. They
are limited (at this point) in Math and Reading. The students can
choose to learn or not. They can also choose to behave or not.
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IMPULSE
MANAGEMENT POSTERS and CARDS |
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Learning a procedure to
respond appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html
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My PROMOTING LEARNING
article on <teachers.net/gazette> for
this
month is about Listening Lessons.
Read "How to Help Kids Learn and Comprehend."
The article is at:
http://teachers.net/gazette/MAY03/marshall.html
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| 8. About the Book
"DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS
OR REWARDS
How Teachers and Parents
Promote Responsibility & Learning"
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"This book is a potent
contribution to the field of child
service. Not only has Dr. Marshall shown us a philosophy that
works, he makes it easy to understand and implement. Everyone
wins--especially our young people."
James Sutton, Ed.D., Child Psychologist
Author of "If My Kid's So Nice ... Why's He Driving ME Crazy?"
A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and
additional items of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
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Marvin Marshall presents
keynote speeches and seminars to
CORPORATIONS, ASSOCIATIONS, and EDUCATIONAL GROUPS.
If you are looking for a speaker for your organization or know others who are,
please refer them to
http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.
A short (8 minutes) presentation is available for viewing online..
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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted
as long as the following link is included:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
COPYRIGHT:
Copyright 2003 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.
PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be
released to anyone.
Back issues are archived online at:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm
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