Discipline without Stress^® Punishments or Rewards

Promoting Responsibility Newsletter - September 2003

PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 3, No 9
September, 2003

http://www.MarvinMarshall.com

IN THIS ISSUE:

 1. Welcome

 2. Promoting Responsibility

 3. Increasing Effectiveness

 4. Improving Relationships

 5. Your Questions Answered

 6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
    Free Mailring
    Your Questions Answered
    Impulse Management Posters and Cards

 7. Promoting Learning

 8. About the book
  
    About the Author

    About this Newsletter

The server for this e-zine crashed but, as you see, is now
up and running. Unfortunatly, THE LIST OF NEW SUBSCRIBERS
FROM MONDAY - THURSDAY OF THIS WEEK HAVE BEEN LOST. If you
know anyone who subscribed this week, please forward this
issue to them.

Since I am no longer giving public seminars, I removed my calendar from my website at the end of the last academic year.

My recent presentations were to elementary schools, middle/junior high schools, high schools, entire school districts, religious schools, parent groups, and vocational schools. Since I have had a number of requests inquiring about my speaking engagements, I have updated and posted my calendar at http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

Also, in an attempt to answer questions about the Raise Responsibilty System (RRS), a new link has been added to the site. At this time, there is only one posting detailing the differnece between RRS and other approaches. Frequently asked questions (FAQ's) will soon be added.

As this newsletter continues to grow (now over 5,000 subscribers), I discover that the e-zine is used for purposes I had not imagined. Here's a comment I recently received from the Philippines:

"Thanks for the wonderful ideas of helping at-risk/drop-
out students. May you continue to give more insights and
inspirations to teachers like me."

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The Golden Rules for Living (author unknown) were shared with me. I share them with you.

1. If you open it, close it.

2. If you break it, admit it.

3. If you borrow it, return it.

4. If you move it, put it back.

5. If you unlock it, lock it up.

6. If you turn it on, turn it off.

7. If you make a mess, clean it up.

8. If you value it, take care of it.

9. If you cannot fix it, call someone who can.

10. If it is not yours, get permission to use it.

11. If you do not know how to use it, leave it alone--or ask.

12. If it is none of your business, do not ask.

SUGGESTION: Use the first part of each sentence with your students and/or children. Then have them complete the rest of each statement.

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One of the advantages of sharing your ideas with others is that others share their ideas with you. Kerry is a significant contributor to the Raise Responsibility System mailring:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem

With a little editorializing, I share one of her posts with you.

Cognition can not be separated from emotion. What we think precedes what we feel, and often what we think triggers our emotions. Thinking in terms of "right" or "wrong" is especially dangerous because people become emotionally involved with these concepts.

Kerry finds it more helpful to think in terms of "more effective" or "less effective." She thinks about where she wants to go and then asks herself, "Is this going to get me there?"

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At the root of so many relationship problems is that people stop giving to each other--or they give the wrong things.

This is very common in parent-child relationships. Parents are more likely to give children "things" rather than experiences. Because young people WANT "things," parents mistakenly believe that is what their children NEED.

Years ago, Charles Frances Adams (son of President John Quincy Adams, grandson of President John Adams, and President Abraham Lincoln's minister to England) wrote in his diary one day, "Took my boy fishing today. A wasted day." His son, Brook Adams, wrote in his diary the same day, "Went fishing today with my father. Greatest day of my life."

Any good relationship, whether it be at home or at work, is built on giving of yourself. It can be referred to by different terms--such as caring, service, or recognition --but it all boils down to giving.

Here are some considerations to improve relationships with anyone with whom you live or work.

GIVE AT UNEXPECTED TIMES.

GIVE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WOULD APPRECIATE.

GIVE EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

GIVE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN.

Follow these simple ideas of giving, and notice how people respond. Then notice how YOU feel. There will be some wonderful outcomes.

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QUESTION:

The school I work in is very entrenched in the idea that discipline = punishment. The students buy into this idea in that they seem to depend on punitive reactions from their teachers/parents. How does one help the child to move from being punishment-minded to being self-motivated.

RESPONSE:

Punishment--which is very often confused with discipline-- operates on the theory that young peoople must be hurt to learn, that they must be harmed to instruct.

Can you recall the last time you felt bad and did something good? People do not think positively with negative feelings.

Punishments kill the very thing we are attempting to do-- change behavior into something that is positive and socially approprate.

If your school believes that YOUNG people ARE NOT YET ADULTS, then their use of IMPOSED PUNISHMENTS (a concept applied to adult behavior) should be re-examined.

Share with the faculty the National Parent Teachers Association's definition of discipline:

To help the child move from being punishment-minded to being self-motivated, teach your students the four levels of social development described at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/responsibility/cards.html

Share the website http://www.AboutDiscipline.com

We have an obligation to help the teaching profession understand that--although imposed punishments are necessary for adults who act in socially unacceptable ways--IMPOSING THE SAME APPROACHES ON YOUNG PEOPLE is not only counterproductive but also feeds the common misconception that schools are like prisons in that use of external authoritarianism is the only way to promote leaning.

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Performance Learning Systems (PLS) is again offering their interactive, distance learning course with "DISCIPLINE without STRESS, PUNISHMENTS, or REWARDS" as a primary text.

The course--with interaction between the instructor and participants through an online discussion list--gives 3 graduate credits granted through The College of New Jersey, a North Central Accredited institution.

The course runs from September 15 - November 17 for the fall session and again from November 24 - January 26 for the winter session. More information and registration is available at http://www.plsregistration.com or call toll-free 800-862-7263.

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You can share and learn more about the
RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem.
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QUESTION:

I am a kindergarten teacher who highly recommends your book whenever the subject of discipline arises. Today I told one of my students who hit another child, "I want you to stay in our classroom, but if you act on Level B again, you are telling me that you want to keep on making your own rules for the class. We can't accept that, so you may stay in the classroom only if your behavior is at Level C or D." When he began to harass another child, I made it a point to remain matter-of-fact, and said to him, "You have again decided to make your own rules for the class, so you have chosen to spend time in another room." As I was getting ready to take him, he began to throw a LOUD tantrum. I didn't want to make a scene, so I left him at his seat. I feel this was a big mistake. What do you suggest I should have done?

RESPONSE:

Here are a few ideas to consider.

Next time, ASK (rather than TELL) the student if he wants to stay in the classroom. Then ASK him on what level he would need to behave to remain in the class.

If he again lets his impulses direct his behavior, say to him that he allowed to again let his impulses control him. Then ASK him, "What do you suggest we do about it?" Be ready to ask "What else?" "What else?" "What else?" until he comes up with something that will help him not repeat the offense. If he says, "I don't know," challenge and empower him with a statement like, "As capable as you are, I don't believe you can't figure something out. Let's give it another try. What do you suggest we do?"

Come up with a procedure. Anything--as long as it is simple for him to do, e.g., stand up and sit down, stand and turn around, take a deep gasp of breath through his mouth and hold it as long as he can--something that will distract his impulsivity.

If the student pulls a tantrum again, say, "Don't worry about what will happen when you act this way. I'll get back to you later." The youngster will immediately stop the tantrum and start worrying about what will happen.

Regarding the rest of the class, don't be concerned about them. They understand the situation. Have a class meeting later with the child present. Put the problem to the class, since it is a class problem. Have a discussion on "What do you suggest we do to help ....(name of student)."

Learning a procedure to respond appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

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My PROMOTING LEARNING article for this month is about business's being a poor model for learning. <Teachers.net> is changing their schedule so the article posted is the same as last month's. The article has been picked up by national e-zines and has been distributed to thousands. The following are some points I hope to make in the article.

Competition improves performance in athletics, music competitions, and other activities where people are motivated to improve and/or win against others. However, competition is devastating for improving learning. Collaboration is much more effective in this arena.

Read why government, business, and educational leaders have based their decisions about learning on faulty reasoning --which already is having disastrous results. This is exemplified by third graders, especially conscientious ones, having anxiety attacks and the surge of high school students giving up and just dropping out of school. This latter point is evidenced by recent stories about the Secretary of Education's former district vastly under reporting the number of dropouts in the Houston Independent School District where Rod Page was so proud of his district's improvement.

People will look back twenty years from now (if not sooner) and ask, "How could we have been so foolish as to allow this to occur?" How could we justify using standardized tests (where half the test takers automatically fall below 50%) as an accountability instrument? How did we justify determining people's successes or failures solely on taking "pencil and paper" tests? How did we support a system where success is based on checking facts--most of which inevitably are forgotten--rather than on factors which assess responsible citizenship and elements which are essential in living successful lives after formal schooling?

The article is at: http://teachers.net/gazette/AUG03/marshall.html

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"If every teacher, at the beginning of the school year, would share this book with students for just 10 minutes a day, by October teaching and learning problems would be reduced to a minuscule portion of the day."

Linda McKay, Director, CHARACTERplus Cooperating School Districts, St. Louis, MO.

A descriptive table of contents, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at: http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com

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Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and seminars to CORPORATIONS, ASSOCIATIONS, and EDUCATIONAL GROUPS.

If you are looking for a speaker for your organization or know others who are, please refer them to
http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.

A short (8 minutes) presentation is available for viewing online..

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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted as long as the following link is included: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

COPYRIGHT:
 Copyright 2003 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.

PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be released to anyone.

Back issues are archived online at: http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm

If you enjoy this newsletter the following sites may be of Interest:

• This site explains the system that promotes discipline and motivation for academic achievement: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
• This site explains how using external approaches are counterproductive to promoting responsibility: http://www.AboutDiscipline.com
• This site gives details on the book "Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards": http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com