Discipline without Stress^® Punishments or Rewards

Promoting Responsibility Newsletter - August 2004

PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 4, No 8
August, 2004


http://www.MarvinMarshall.com

IN THIS ISSUE:

 1. Welcome

 2. Promoting Responsibility

 3. Increasing Effectiveness

 4. Improving Relationships

 5. Promoting Learning

 6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
    Free Mailring
    Your Questions Answered
    Impulse Management Posters and Cards

 What People Say About THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
  
 About the Author

 About this Newsletter

This past Monday--at the invitation of the president of the Association for Teacher Educators--I spoke in Cambridge, Massachusetts to college and university professors who prepare future teachers.

I suggested that they have a dilemma. They wish to expose future teachers to various approaches to discipline. With this in mind, they use textbooks which share a number of discipline approaches, such as C.C..Charles' "Building Classroom Discipline." (Incidentally, the Raise
Responsibility System is included in the most recent, 8th edition.)

Unfortunately, when their students are asked at the end of their course whether or not they feel confident to walk into their first classroom knowing good classroom management procedures and having a discipline approach that is "user friendly" for both teacher and student, these future teachers inevitably answer in the negative.

We expose future teachers to knowledge of different approaches but do not actually teach the skills of any one. This means that education is the only profession (in my opinion) that does not prepare its practitioners for that which is most important to their success. In the case of classroom teaching, this means having SKILLS (not just knowledge) in both classroom management AND discipline. (If you are unclear about the differences, visit  marvinmarshall.com/responsibility/articles_learning.htm
Read the article entitled, "Curriculum, Instruction, Classroom Management, and Discipline.")

In spite of the challenge I presented, the Raise Responsibility System was received with great enthusiasm.

You can now view parts of "DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS, PUNISHMENTS or REWARDS--HOW TEACHERS and PARENTS PROMOTE RESPONSIBILITY and LEARNING online at Amazon's "Search Inside."

Here is how to do it: On their home page, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/subst/home/home.html/002-7135277-4031243, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Then click on "Go."

When the book appears, click on either the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "SEARCH INSIDE." Scroll down until you see an enlarged cover of the book.

You can navigate these pages by using the ARROWS in the MIDDLE of each page--or by using the "Previous Page" or "Next Page" links on the top and bottom of the pages. (The blank page is an error in formatting.)

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Last week a mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time.

I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility.

The conversation would go something like this:
Jay, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner.

Here, then, is the two-step process:

(1) Put the person in charge of the opposite of what the person is doing. (2) Articulate what you want (I need your help, assistance, leadership, etc.), and then put the person in charge of it.

People like to be in charge. When in charge, the person performs the appropriate behavior because incongruity (doing the opposite of what the person is in charge of) is very difficult for young people.

Following are some additional examples that work every time.

A primary student does not complete assigned table work. I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of noticing who at your table completes the assigned work. Let me know at the end of the day who was successful. (Notice that the phrasing is in the positive; it's not about who doesn't complete the work.)

The middle school class procedure was to clean and organize desks before dismissal on Fridays. One student continually dumped stuff on the desk and took an excessive amount of time to clean and organize the materials. I need your help. I would like you to be in charge of the desks by going around and keeping track of whose desk is clean and orderly. (The student didn't wait until Friday. He started checking on Thursday.)

The high school student continued to came to school tardy. I need your help. I would like you to make sure everyone is seated on time when the bell rings. (The student not only started to come to class on time but also improved his appearance and school attire.)

This approach to changing behavior immediately is foolproof. If it doesn't work, reflect: Did you think of the exact opposite? Did you use the exact wording of putting the person in charge and phrasing the responsibility in positive terms?

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Admired people have others feel important. When you interact with someone--whether for 30 seconds or for 30 minutes--the test is, "When the person walks away, does that person feel better or worse?"

If you see the person walking away feeling down or depressed, walk after the person and ask, "How about trying that again so that you feel better than when we started the conversation?"

The conclusion is inescapable. When we work with others who prompt positive feelings, our spirits are raised--and so is our motivation.

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If someone interrupts you while you are working on something and have that mental momentum where you are in a state of flow, take just a moment to write down some key words that later will bring you back to your thought.

If the interruption is at a lower priority than what you are engaged in, here is how to diplomatically deflect the interruption without hurting the other person's feelings. It is a four-step process.

Start with "I WANT TO . . . ." (1st part)
I want to talk with you about it.

"AND I NEED TO . . . . " ( 2nd part)
And I need to finish this before I do anything else.

Ask a question. (3rd part)
Can we talk in just a few minutes?

Acknowledge their understanding. (4th part)
Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding.

Notice that nowhere have I said "I can't talk to you now," or "You will have to come back," or "I am right in the middle of something and you will have to wait."

I am not rejecting the person. Instead, I'm acknowledging the person but letting the person know that I have a need also and that we can handle the situation through mutual understanding.

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Jim wrote me the following regarding his teaching:

I am a returning math teacher who has worked in business most of my life. Had a tough time teaching last year. Thought I could just teach the subject and didn't give any thought to managing the classroom. Got a rude awakening.

I figure if I can guide the students into being courteous to one another, we can then have meaningful conversations about math. One of the best ways to learn math is to express it in English.

Incidentally, I started my staff development at Coffee High School in Douglas, Georgia by informing the staff that if they were ever in Southern California and drove by Westminster High School in the Huntington Beach Union High School District they might take notice of four bungalows in the front south side of that campus.

These bungalows were built at my behest when I was assistant principal of curriculum and instruction. I had presented to the board of education a plan to establish a small learning community that combined math, science, language arts, and social studies with teachers having a common planning period and with the same group of 9th grade students. Coffee High School was initiating the same format--also starting with ninth graders--to raise their graduation rate, a challenge that affects most high schools in the U.S.A.

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QUESTION:

I am very interested in using this system in counseling students individually and in classroom guidance. My question is: Will the system work, even though I only see the students for 30 minutes every other week, and even if the classroom teacher is not using the system? From your experience are there any hints or suggestions to make the system work in this situation?


RESPONSE (by Kerry):

You're in a great position to teach and use the RRSystem! It can certainly be used effectively in both situations you mention:
    --with the students you see on an individual basis and
    --as part of your classroom guidance lessons.

With students you see individually, begin by teaching the hierarchy in the book, "Discipline without Stress, Punishments or Rewards," and then add additional descriptors tailored to their particular needs.

For example, if a child is having difficulty with social relationships, you can build a hierarchy with him/her using descriptors regarding "being friendly/unfriendly." You can role play situations to encourage more positive ways of relating to others.

If a student is having emotional problems, such as one little fellow in my class last year who would "shut down" shortly after we started almost any assignment or project, you could add descriptors at each level encouraging him/her to handle little frustrations in a more effective way.

	At the higher levels, students
		-put up a hand to ask for help, -don't let little setbacks hold them back for long, and -focus on one step at a time instead of fixating on an end result that seems impossible to achieve.

My previous principal used the RRSystem with individual kids--the ones who were the "frequent visitors" to her office. She introduced them to the hierarchy and sometimes had them draw pictures of the levels, just as suggested in the book. (pp. 70-72)

She engaged one grade six boy in a conversation about the difference between the two sides of his paper. The youngster could see that the side illustrating Levels A/B looked chaotic, busy, and upsetting, while the C/D side of the page looked calm and orderly. She asked him to identify which side looked like a more "pleasant lifestyle" and he said the
C/D side.

She continued by asking him to identify the side which best depicted his own life. He admitted that his life was most like the A/B side, which led to further discussions about whether or not his current choices were bringing him what he really wanted. She felt that RRSystem discussions definitely helped children move forward in their thinking.

The same sorts of discussions that you would hold with individuals can also be held with entire classes of students as part of your guidance lessons. Just as one example, by referring to the hierarchy, you can help kids understand the difference between pseudo-self-esteem (an over-inflated ego!) and true self-esteem.

Often it's the person with the over-inflated ego who causes disruptions in the classroom, and so these kinds of discussions are particularly valuable. Once youngsters can recognize their own behavior as "show-offish" (as opposed to clever), they can become inspired to use the hierarchy to help themselves build true feelings of confidence and
competence.

In other words, you can teach children that their level of behavior is a CHOICE they continually make and that there is a "pay off" to operating on the highest level of social development--improved self-esteem, better relationships with others, and a greater sense of self-satisfaction.

Consider leaving a large copy of the hierarchy in the classrooms where you work. Plant the seed in the minds of your students that the chart is there to help them make choices and decisions at ALL times. It's not just something to talk about once a week. You can encourage your pupils to
use the hierarchy independently if they want to become more responsible, self-reliant, kindhearted, etc.

Give your students a small version to take home or to keep in a personal notebook. Stress the value of this little bit of paper. Help them to understand that the hierarchy is a powerful tool which they can decide to use and that by doing so they will be CHOOSING to be in control of their own lives.

As part of your guidance sessions you could do some role playing. Students love drama activities. You could also read and discuss stories--identifying the levels of motivations of characters. Here are a few messages from the RRSystem Mailring Archives that might give you some ideas: Messages #82, #559, #586 and #1179.

Although most of the these posts are examples from the primary grades, they might spark an idea for how to use books at other grade levels, too. Members of the RRSystem mailring who teach middle school have said that even teenagers enjoy the occasional use of carefully selected picture books.

To use the RRSystem Archives, MEMBERS should first go to the following link and sign in by clicking on the words, "Sign in to  Yahoo!" located in the upper right portion of the screen: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem

TO BECOME A MEMBER of the RRSystem mailring and gain access to current and archived messages, first click on the box with the words, "Join This Group" at the above link.

This takes you to a page, with a box which is again located in the upper right-hand portion of the screen. Enter your Yahoo ID and password. Click on the box that says,"Sign in."

This takes you to a page showing a left-hand sidebar with these options:

• Home
• Messages
•    Post
• Files
• Photos
• Links
• Database

Click on "Messages" which will take you to a page with the most recent messages posted to the mailring. Near the top, you will find a small box that says Msg # ___. In that little box, type  the number of the message you are looking for. Click on "Go."

This takes you to a page of past messages. The first message listed on the page is the number you have requested in your search of the Archives. Click on that and Voila!--the message you are looking for comes up!

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You can share and learn more about the
RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (RRS) at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem

Learning a procedure for responding appropriately to
impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

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"This is the best year I have had in the 25 years of being a principal. Behavior has not been a problem this year. Our students are learning to solve their problems in a positive way. We find that with the proper instruction, students can monitor their own behavior and make responsible choices without the use of punishment and rewards."

Phelps Wilkins, Principal
Eisenhower Elementary School, Mesa, AZ

A descriptive table of contents of the book describing the approach, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com

Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and seminars to SCHOOLS, SCHOOL DISTRICTS, CORPORATIONS, and STATE and NATIONAL ASSOCIATIONS.

If you are looking for a speaker for your organization, please refer them to http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.

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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted as long as the following link is included: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2004 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.

PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be released to anyone.

Back issues are archived online at: http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm

If you enjoy this newsletter the following sites may be of Interest:

• This site explains the system that promotes discipline and motivation for academic achievement: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
• This site explains how using external approaches are counterproductive to promoting responsibility: http://www.AboutDiscipline.com
• This site gives details on the book "Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards": http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com