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Promoting Responsibility Newsletter -
July 2004
PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 4, No 7
July, 2004
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
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IN
THIS ISSUE:
1. Welcome
2. Promoting Responsibility
3. Increasing Effectiveness
4. Improving Relationships
5. Promoting
Learning
6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
Free Mailring
Your Questions Answered
Impulse Management Posters and Cards
About the book
About the Author
About this Newsletter
At a recent Texas
conference, an elementary school assistant principal approached me and said, and
I quote verbatim, "I'm addicted to you." Needless to say, this captured my
attention, and I asked for an explanation to this rather embarrassing
compliment.
She explained that after reading the Kappan article, she decided to try the
approach.
http://www.pdkintl.org/kappan/ktoc0403.htm
After she told me of her immediate successes using the levels of social
development, I encouraged her to consider writing an article which perhaps could
be published in a state or national journal. She sent the beginning few
paragraphs of the article to me. The following is from her writing:
I had 20 students on
behavior contracts that ranged from kindergarten to fifth grade that would talk
to me at 2:45 p.m. before they left for the day. The eagerness of trying this
out on them made my excitement grow. I also asked my principal to come watch me
talk to each student.
She and I could not believe how easy and how articulate the students were being
about their behavior when I used the (levles of social development) chart and
only asked questions.
We all know that the best
advertising is a referral. When you see an enjoyable movie or read a good book,
there is a natural inclination to share what you have enjoyed. The same holds
true for learning. If you have learned something, there is a desire to share it
with others.
Please take a moment and reflect on your successes with (1) understanding the
differences between discipline and classroom management, (2) using the three
principles to practice (positivity, choice, and reflection), and (3) the three
parts to the Raise Responsibility System (teaching, asking, and eliciting).
If--by using these--you have become more successful in promoting responsible
behavior, increasing your effectiveness, and/or improving your relationships,
please consider one or both of the following:
1) The newsletter is continually growing and, with this issue, now has over 6000
subscribers. July--a less hectic month for some--is a good time to share this
newsletter with others. Please think of just three people you believe could
profit from this monthly sharing and forward this e-zine to them. If only one in
three were to subscribe, by the end of the year we would double the number of
people helped in learning how to promote responsibility, increase effectiveness,
and improve relationships.
If you did this now by just clicking your forward button to three people in your
address book, you would still have this newsletter on your computer screen and
you would have shared some valuable information.
2) Think of a state or national journal and write an article about what you are
doing and your successes. Although my website has dozens of testimonials, they
are not nearly so effective in prompting people to practice the principles or
teach young people the levels of social development and difference between
external and internal motivation as are others' personal experiences.
The noncoercive and positive approach is spreading and people are "joining up."
"Join Up" is the title of Monty Roberts' approach. Roberts was the model for
Robert Redford's film, "The Horse Whisperer." As with the strategies I share,
his approach is one of noncoercion and trust to effect behavior changes and
improve relations. If you have not read how Roberts tames a wild mustang in less
than 30 minutes in front of hundreds of people,
click here
Thanks for encouraging others to "join up."
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| 2. PROMOTING
RESPONSIBILITY |
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A photographer was taking
the graduation picture in a large middle school. The girls positioned themselves
in the front rows as directed--with the boys in the rear rows.
To ensure that the boys acted on their best behavior, one of the teachers
approached a group of boys who were just standing there and said, "Now boys,
don't push the girls down the risers."
The boys hadn't even thought of it!
The next time you don't want someone to do something, consider whether your
meessage will tempt in a way which is counterproductive.
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| 3. INCREASING
EFFECTIVENESS |
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In last month's e-zine, I
told the story of how a noncoercive and creative approach solved a challenging
problem with a disrespectful teenager.
Promoting Responsibility June '04
Dr. James Sutton,
http://www.docspeak.com, a consulting psychologist, authority on
oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and long-time friend wrote me the
following:
Marv, I loved the story
about the girl, the newcomer, who refused to make her bed. To me, this is about
fear of new situations and circumstances, a feeling of being terribly
vulnerable, rather than a really deep defiant stand.
I've seen it with adults coming into drug and alcohol treatment. When they are
terrified of being thrust into a new and semi-threatening situation, their
response is almost always one of anger. Although this anger is generally
directed at the closest authority figure, it's not really personal, but it can
sure LOOK that way.
Coming down hard on either an adult or child in these circumstances causes them
to verify to themselves that their defiance is, indeed, justified. Result: more
defiance and more problems ... not less.
I still very vividly remember a burly, muscular man coming into drug and alcohol
treatment. He walked into his counselor's office screaming, "I ain't got no
sheets!" His counselor simply said, "What's the matter, really," and the man
broke down and sobbed like a baby. I watched that counselor put his arms around
him and hug him like a small child. End of
conflict.
Sometimes we need to get past the sheets.
I responded to Jim:
Your take on the story is really appreciated. It gives reinforcement to the
advice I often give teachers, viz., ask the student, "Are you angry at me or the
situation?"
Precautionary note:
It is possible for an angry
child to say he is angry at the teacher--even when the youngster is not. It
sometimes is better not to say much at all to the child who is upset (initially)
as ANY requirement of a verbal response might not produce the results desired.
When a child (really, anyone) is upset, it is best not to press for too much
information.
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| 4. IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS |
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How can you say "No!"
without saying "No!"
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Acknowledge the importance
of the request.
I understand why that's important to you.
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Inform the person that you
have a problem with it.
But I have a problem with it.
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Describe the problem as you
see it.
Your doing that would mean it would put a burden
on everyone else.
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Elicit from the person
something else.
Let's think of something that would be fair
to everyone.
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The opening paragraph of my
book deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my
purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be
responsible and WANT to learn.
The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield-- coauthor with Mark
Victor Hansen of "The Aladdin Factor" and the "Chicken Soup" series) gives
students an experience of the power of imagery for both behavior and learning.
Students will need as much room as they would have in an aerobics class.
Divide the class in two groups, A and B. Say the following to group A:
I want you to close your
eyes and imagine in your mind a seagull floating gracefully in the air. See it
gently, easily, effortlessly gliding through the air. When you have the picture
of a seagull vividly in your mind, nod you head. Now with your eyes a quarter of
the way open so that you can see the floor in front of you and have a sense of
where your neighbors are, move like a seagull--
keeping the image of the seagull vividly in your mind. Continue that while I go
over to the other group.
Say the following to group
B:
Close your eyes and imagine
a jackhammer. See it moving rapidly up and down in short, jerky, staccato
movements. When you have that picture of a jackhammer vividly in your mind, nod
your head. Now with your eyes a quarter of the way open so that you can see the
floor in front of you and have a sense of where your neighbors are, move like a
jackhammer--keeping the image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind. Continue
that while I go over to the other group.
Turn back to group A and
continue:
Once again, close your eyes
and imagine that effortless, graceful seagull floating on an air current, barely
moving its wings. When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your
head. Now keeping that image of the seagull vividly in your mind, I want you to
open your eyes a quarter of the way and move like a jackhammer.
Most students will have a
great deal of difficulty moving like jackhammers while thinking of a seagull.
Their movements will be somewhere in between jerky and graceful, or they will be
frozen and unable to move at all.
Turn to group B and say:
Close your eyes again, and
imagine that jerky, staccato jackhammer bouncing up and down on the pavement.
When you have that picture vividly in your mind, nod your head. Now keeping the
image of the jackhammer vividly in your mind, open your eyes a quarter of the
way and move like a seagull.
Again, students will have a
tough time making their bodies move counter to the image they are holding in
their heads.
This is a very dramatic exercise--one that easily and quickly makes the point
that our bodies cannot do anything counter to the images we hold in our minds.
Have the students share anything they noticed about their bodies the second time
when they were holding an image counter to how they were trying to move. If any
students claim that it was easy to move the second time, ask them if they were
holding the image firmly in their minds. Most will admit that they had to let go
of one image in order to move.
Ask them if a friend has ever asked them to do something unusual, and they
responded, "I couldn't do that; it's not me." The reason we say that is because
we look inside our minds and see if what our friend has asked us to do fits our
perception of ourselves. If it doesn't fit, we don't think we can do it; so we
don't even attempt it.
Emphasize the following point: The body literally cannot move contrary to a
vividly held image. Therefore, in order to change a habit or behavior, we must
change our perception to include the new habit or behavior. Otherwise, any
changes we make will be difficult and short-lived.
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| 6. Implementing the RAISE
RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM |
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QUESTION:
I am a psychologist who wholeheartedly supports your approach and philosophy. I
am also part of a local community visioning process. Our juvenile justice system
is working to introduce a "Balanced and Restorative Justice" initiative, which
is a wonderful concept that aligns beautifully with your system. However, they
have been approached by another project. Not surprisingly, many of those
involved (probation officers, etc.) want to implement this other program as soon
as possible.
However, as I reviewed its manual, I found that at its core it is about
controlling kids through a one-size-fits-all "consequence" (taking away
everything they want) and trying to censor and control everything the kids hear,
see, wear, and do--simply another behavior-mod program.
Do you have, or do you know of any programs that focus on adolescents that are
acting out in destructive/violent ways, "out-of-control" kids, that embrace a
philosophy similar to yours? It would be especially helpful if they included a
strong facilitator training and/or if they have been implemented in conjunction
with juvenile justice systems in some way. I would be so grateful for any input
you may have.
RESPONSE:
I know of no other program that is proactive, creates a DESIRE for change, and
places total responsibility on the other person--rather than on the supervisor.
There are a few underlying, fundamental truths to my approach.
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A person can be
controlled--but only temporarily, and no one can control how another person
thinks or WANTS to behave.
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Although you can influence
people, you cannot change them. People change themselves.
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The least effective approach
to influence a person is by using coercion.
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Obedience does not create
desire.
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Two requirements are
necessary for long-term change: (a) acknowledgment that a change is necessary
and (b) ownership. Any IMPOSED punishment lacks the second requirement. This
does not mean that expectations, standards, rules, and responsibilities are not
necessary. Obviously, they are--but imposing the same punishment for all (one
size fits all) (a) is not fair, (b) affects different people in different ways,
and (c) is counterproductive to the objective of promoting long-term responsible
behavior.
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Cognition and emotions
cannot be separated. One affects the other. Anything imposed--especially if it
is related to punishment--puts the receiver in a victimhood mode and prompts ill
feelings toward the enforcer. Good relationships are essential to prompt
positive change. People do good when
they feel good. One does not ordinarily do good when feeling bad. This is a
prime reason that traditional, coercive approaches are not successful and the
recidivism rate is so high.
Check into what the juvenile
justice system is doing in Missouri. They are more aligned with my approach and
are meeting with much greater success and at half the cost than other states.
(Shelly Adams is the assistant director of the
Missouri Division of Youth Services in Jefferson City, Mo and can be reached
at 573.751.3324.)
The key to changing behavior is to project high expectations and then
empower--rather than overpower. These young people need structure--but they have
rebelled against authority all their lives. The program being considered may
work--as
punishments may work--in the short term. However, these external and imposed
approaches are not nearly so effective as internal and elicited approaches that
CHANGE DESIRE so people WANT to be socially and individually responsible.
Share the article referred to above under "Increasing Effectiveness"
click here
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You can share and learn more
about the
RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (RRS) at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem
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IMPULSE MANAGEMENT POSTERS and CARDS |
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Learning a procedure to
respond appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html
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What People Say About THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY
SYSTEM |
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"You have greatly added to
our school leaders' arsenals for helping teachers look freshly upon a major
issue."
Patricia A. Romandetto
Superintendent Community School District 3
City of New York Board of Education
A descriptive table of contents of the book describing the approach, three
selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at:
http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com
Marvin Marshall presents
keynote speeches and seminars to SCHOOLS, SCHOOL DISTRICTS, CORPORATIONS, and
STATE and NATIONAL ASSOCIATIONS.
If you are looking for a speaker for your organization, please refer them to
http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.
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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted
as long as the following link is included:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.
COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2004 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.
PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your address will always be kept confidential and will not be
released to anyone.
Back issues are archived online at:
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/newsletter/index.htm
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