Discipline without Stress^® Punishments or Rewards

Promoting Responsibility Newsletter - February 2005

PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 5, No 2
February, 2005


http://www.MarvinMarshall.com

IN THIS ISSUE:

 1. Welcome

 2. Promoting Responsibility

 3. Increasing Effectiveness

 4. Improving Relationships

 5. Promoting Learning

 6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
    Your Questions Answered
    Free Mailring
    Impulse Management Posters and Cards

 What People Say About THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
  
 About the Book

 About the Author

 About this Newsletter

 Additional Resource

I recently returned from Seoul, South Korea (officially The Republic of Korea--as differentiated from the Democratic
People's Republic of Korea, or North Korea).

The nine presentations in eleven days kept me rather busy, but learning different cultures has always been of interest to me, and when I present I always learn from participants.

My presentations were to English speaking teachers and parents at international schools. Their students are
considered Third Culture Kids (TCK). A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her
developmental years outside the parents' culture. TCKs build relationships to other cultures while not having full
ownership in any. For example, the parents are Korean but the students have lived in different countries, usually
because of a parent's corporate or embassy job. There are thousands of Korean youth who are TCKs. They have lived in a foreign country; when they return to Korea, they are not accepted by native Koreans--hence, the label, "Third Culture Kids."

Their "home" is defined by relationships.

To illustrate the concept, here is an interview from the book, "Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up
Among Worlds" by David Pollack and Ruth Van Reken. (Yarmouth, Maine: Intercontinental Press, copyright 2001,
pp. 123-124.)

When Dave Pollack asked Ben, a TCK from the diplomatic community, "Where's home?" Ben replied, "Egypt." Dave was somewhat surprised as he had not previously heard Ben talk about Egypt, so Dave asked how long he had been there.

"Well," Ben replied, "I actually haven't been to Egypt yet, but that's where my parents are posted now. They moved there from Mozambique right after I left for university, so when I go home for Christmas vacation that's where I'll go.

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If you reflect on your self-talk, you will conclude that your thoughts often involve past experiences or future
visions. However, what you are choosing to do is often done nonconsciously.

Taking action is a current activity--not a past or future one. In addition, action requires more than thought. For
example, if there are three frogs on a lily pond and one decides to jump, you may conclude--in error--that there
would be two frogs left. However, deciding to jump is not the same as jumping. In this situation, three frogs would
still be left.

More than thinking about the past or the future, it is taking action in the present that leads to responsible
behavior.

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If you want to increase your effectiveness with anyone--employee, spouse, child, or student--start by
stating something positive.

The famous folk hero, Will Rogers, said, "In all your life, you will never find a method more effective in getting
through to another person than to make that person feel important."

Find something that is deserving of recognition or some behavior or result that you like. Then let the person know
that you appreciate it. In simple terms, acknowledge successes of a person.

When you build on what prompts a person to feel good, you will soon see how much more effective you become.

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A post from
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem.

I had an experience with one of my students that I call, "Level D at the Beach!" While on a field trip, I had an
opportunity to use the hierarchy with a child who had shown a high level of integrity. I was able to help him recognize the fact because of the RRSystem.

I recently had another situation in which I was able to use the hierarchy to help a child feel a bit better about her
dealings with a difficult desk partner. I thought I'd share it because I think it's helpful to hear stories of classroom
experiences and because I want to encourage people to remember to use the hierarchy to help children acknowledge
not only their misbehaviour, but also to become aware of their higher level behaviour as well.

One little girl in our class this year, Deidre, is showing escalating signs of emotional disturbance. . . and no
wonder, she's had an extremely difficult life so far--far more difficult than anything I've ever experienced. Sadly,
because of the anger and pain she has to deal with in her personal life, she is frequently quite cold or even mean in
her comments to the other students. Although very articulate and bright, she often speaks impulsively and without much regard for the feelings of other people. Her classmates do their best to live with her and be kind but sometimes her sharp tongue is just too much for them to handle.

Such was the case when I returned to the classroom after lunch, last Tuesday. There was Sarah, at the door, waiting for me. A very sweet child who is always smiling, she seemed near tears and was obviously worried. She explained that Deirdre was going to "tell on her"... and that she "hadn't done it!"

I didn't bother to find out any more details because I believed Sarah; she's never given me one moment of trouble
and I knew I could trust that she was telling me the truth. If she told me that she "hadn't done it," I knew that she
hadn't--whatever it was!

I took her over to our hierarchy chart and asked her to show me where she generally operated. She pointed to D and I said, "Sarah, you're right. You are generally always operating at C or D." Then I went on to ask her about what
kind of relationships students who operate at the higher levels build with their teachers? She was able to answer,
"good," which doesn't really say it all, but I knew she understood what I was talking about. (We've been talking a
lot about this same topic lately because a couple of weeks ago we had an outbreak of snapped pencils and deliberately broken pencil tips and on several occasions have been talking about people being trusted with classroom items that are intended for use by all.)

Then I explained further, "You're right, Sarah. When people operate at the higher levels, it means that other people
come to trust them. If, day in and day out, you are behaving yourself and being honest, teachers know that they can count on you to do the right thing and to tell the truth."

"Now, what do you think, Sarah? If someone does come up and tattles on you, and you tell me that you didn't do it, will I be able to believe you?" She said, "Yes", and I said, "That's right, Sarah. You have shown me day after day that I can trust you, so if you tell me you didn't do it, I can easily believe you. That's one of the great things about
operating on a high level--other people trust you and you don't need to worry that someone is getting you in trouble
for something you didn't do." And with that, the look of worry disappeared; she seemed quite relieved as she went off to her seat.

I love that hierarchy!

Kerry in BC

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Using the A/B-C/D's of the RRSystem hierarchy can be a highly effective approach to promoting learning.

Establishing expectations by prompts from the teacher, and/or eliciting descriptors from students, BEFORE an
activity and then REFLECTING AFTER the activity increase both motivation and achievement.

Four samples are now posted at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/hierarchy.htm

The examples on the site can be displayed for use with overhead projections. Although these can serve as prompts,
it would be just as effective to elicit from students their own descriptors for the levels.

Following are two samples of the posts:

A) PERSEVERANCE

LEVEL D (INTERNAL motivation)

• Perseveres in spite of a challenge
• Retains an optimistic attitude toward obstacles
• Doesn't require constant adult direction or supervision to
  stay on task
• Independently asks for help when necessary, rather than
  unnecessarily worrying

LEVEL C (EXTERNAL motivation)

• Does all of the above but ONLY when an adult is nearby or
  when there is a desire to impress someone who is watching

LEVEL B/A

• On task ONLY when an adult is directly supervising and
  even then doesn't choose to focus well
• Gives up without much effort
• Displays a pessimistic attitude toward obstacles
• Blames others or circumstances as an excuse for giving up
• Doesn't ask for help or accept help that is offered
• Worries but doesn't choose to take action that will help
  in moving forward

B) PHYSICAL EDUCATION CLASS

LEVEL D (INTERNAL motivation)

• Displays sportsmanship whether or not an adult is present
• Demonstrates effort to participate
• Always comes to class dressed and prepared

LEVEL C (EXTERNAL motivation)

• Participates in class as expected by teacher
• Uses equipment properly while supervised
• Helps with clean-up when directly asked

LEVEL B

• Interrupts the focus of others in the class
• Doesn't follow the rules of games
• Uses equipment improperly

LEVEL A

• Demonstrates poor sportsmanship
• Acts in a way that endangers safety of others
• Leaves clean up of gym to others

Note: As new hierarchies are shared they will be posted.
PLEASE SHARE BY E-MAILING YOURS TO mailto:Marv@MarvinMarshall.com

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The BENEFITS of a school's CONDUCTING ITS OWN in-service can be seen at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/in-house.html.

Details--including differences between CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT and DISCIPLINE, the THREE PRINCIPLES to PRACTICE, the three parts of the system, and how the system can be used to RAISE ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE--are described on the next link at http://www.marvinmarshall.com/in-housedetails.html.

QUESTION:

Can you suggest a way to reduce bullying?

RESPONSE

Here is a marvelously successful idea to have students understand the motivation of those students who operate on
level B--in this case bullies who pick on others. I used it well in Seoul, Korea to demonstrate how older students take
advantage of young students and thereby lose harmony in the Confucian-based society of honoring others.

Use a ruler to demonstrate a teeter-totter (see-saw). Hold it flat and describe that this is how it looks when it is
balanced. People who are getting along and making responsible choices keep the teeter-totter in balance.

However, when one person starts to pick on another, the teeter-totter gets out of balance. The person who is picked on starts to feel as if he/she is "lower" than the other person. But, in reality, the bully is actually the one who
is feeling bad about her/himself. (Tilt the teeter-totter out of balance to show this.)

So the bullying behavior is actually an attempt to pull the other kid down to the bully's level--to try to bring things
back into balance from the bully's perspective.

People should see the bully as someone who is having a bad day or feeling bad for some reason. Challenge students to keep this in mind as they decide how to respond to bullying behavior.

With younger kids, prompt them to say, "Sorry you are having a bad day." The usual result is that the bully is left
speechless. Many times the choice is simply to recognize what is going on and walk away, realizing that the one with
the problem is the bully.

Having youngsters understand that bullying behavior indicates that the bully is "out of balance" with life is
empowering and very liberating.

The discussion also opens the eyes of the bully. No one wants to be known as someone who has problems. These
students usually have never thought about their own behavior in this way.

(Thanks to Joy Widmann for posting Robert Redmond's idea on the RRSystem Mailring. He is a Colorado 4th grade teacher.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You can post questions and learn more about the system at
the free user group (mailring support) at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem

Learning a procedure for responding appropriately to impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

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"Teachers, administrators, social workers, and psychologists were able to begin immediately applying the concepts and implementing many of the strategies you taught us."

Barbara McFadden, EH/SED Program Resources Brevard District
Schools, Viera, FL

Published only in LAMINATED HARDBOUND COVER - $39.95 plus
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DESCRIPTIVE TABLE OF CONTENTS AND THREE SECTIONS ONLINE - A descriptive Table of Contents, three sections (Classroom Meetings, Collaboration for Quality Learning, and Reducing Perfectionism), plus additional items of interest are posted at: http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com.

SEARCH INSIDE You can view parts of the book online at Amazon's "Search Inside." On their home page,
http://www.amazon.com, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Click on "Go." When the book
appears, click on either the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "SEARCH INSIDE." Scroll down
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Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and seminars to SCHOOLS, SCHOOL DISTRICTS, CORPORATIONS, and STATE and NATIONAL ASSOCIATIONS.

If you are looking for a speaker for your organization, please refer to http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.

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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted as long as the following link is cited:
http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2005 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Marvin Marshall, Ed.D.
Box 2227 - Los Alamitos, CA 90720 - 800.255.3192
Mailto:Marv@MarvinMarshall.com.

If you enjoy this newsletter, the following site that explains how external approaches are counterproductive to
promoting responsibility will be of interest: http://www.AboutDiscipline.com.