Discipline without Stress^® Punishments or Rewards

Promoting Responsibility Newsletter - January 2005

PROMOTING DISCIPLINE & LEARNING
Companion to www.MarvinMarshall.com
The Monthly Newsletter
Vol. 5, No 1
January, 2005


http://www.MarvinMarshall.com

IN THIS ISSUE:

 1. Welcome

 2. Promoting Responsibility

 3. Increasing Effectiveness

 4. Improving Relationships

 5. Promoting Learning

 6. Implementing The Raise Responsibility System:
    Your Questions Answered
    Free Mailring
    Impulse Management Posters and Cards

 What People Say About THE RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM
  
 About the Book

 About the Author

 About this Newsletter

I received the following e-mail this past Monday, January 3, and am sharing it with you in hopes that your 2005 may be as successful as this teacher and parent reported.
 

When my elementary school first implemented the Raise Responsibility System, I was somewhat apprehensive about how
such a program would work in my classroom. I have always felt that I created a positive learning environment in my
class and, frankly, this system seemed like just one more passing fad to add to our classroom management file.

However, after reading Dr. Marshall's book, "Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards," I realized that if
I was going to use this in my classroom, I should try it at home first.

As a mother of two teenagers, creating an environment that was stress-free really appealed to me. I talked to my
children about how stressful things had been at home and shared with them a little bit about the program that I was
"trying out" on them. Later that day, I heard my daughter slamming doors and screaming at the top of her lungs at her
brother.

Before, I would have stormed in to intervene and quickly reacted to the situation without even thinking. Instead, I
calmly began using such questions as: "Is what you are doing something that is beneficial?" My daughter stopped and
looked at me and said, "Oh, this is that discipline thing you are using at school, right? Okay, so, no! No, it is
not." I asked, "Is what you are doing something that falls in line with the standards of our family?" She sighed, "No."
I said, "Would you tell me what our family rule is regarding yelling." She relayed to me that yelling was not allowed and
that if we had anything to say we could say it in a calm manner. Finally, I said, "Well, what do you think we should
do about this?"

I told her to go to her room and reflect on what we should do about what had happened between her and her brother. A little while later, she came back in and asked to talk to her brother. She apologized for yelling at him and proceeded
to give us a list of consequences that she had decided on. "I guess I should not use the computer for three weeks, or
talk on the phone, or go to the movies with my friends," she began the list. We were stunned!

Honestly, this was the first time that she had really accepted responsibility for something so calmly. The next
three weeks were very interesting. She answered the phone and we could hear her explain, "I can't talk on the phone right now because my parents . . . I mean, I have restricted myself."

Since using this in our home, life seems so much more enjoyable. The truth is that our children do know what is
expected of them. Holding them to a higher level of responsibility has made all of our lives more peaceful.
Thank you. --Wendi Hall, Vestavia Hills, Alabama

Wendi's story is in my parenting book--now in its 4th chapter of writing. If you have a story to share, please
don't be shy. Your experiences can be helpful to others. Mailto:Marv@MarvinMarshall.com

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People know when they act irresponsibly. But their knowing does not stop that type of behavior.

Knowing the cause for behavior may be interesting, but has nothing to do with changing that behavior. Until
responsibility is accepted, the person will not act differently--even when the person knows the reason.

Therefore, rarely ask a person why the behavior occurred. "Why?" implies that the reason for the behavior makes a
difference--but it does not. Knowing or knowledge does not lead to behavior change.

Rather than asking "Why?" a more effective approach would be to ask, "What are we going to do about it?"

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 Why start the morning as a "downer" when you can start your day in a positive, pleasant way!

Here is a little procedure you can use. Get up 20 minutes earlier than you need to do. Before turning on the TV or
reading the newspaper--both of which can be full of discouraging news--read something uplifting.

The positive energy engendered will carry you through the day so that any situation you encounter can be handled more easily.

Simply by being uplifted in the morning, you will find it easier to enjoy your entire day.

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A mistake is an honest acknowledgment of an error of judgment, devoid of any self-incrimination or
self-diminution. We all commit them. If we used the option of allowing a simple acknowledgment of a mistake, how much
clearer and more joyful life would be.

A woman was standing in a grocery line in front of an elderly man. He hollered at her continually, telling her to
move her merchandise closer to the cashier--even though there were other customers in front of her also patiently
waiting in line.

The lady finally turned and stated, "Your behavior is rude. Is that your intention or a mistake?"

What an easy way to prevent hard feelings!

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When you present something, follow this formula:

WHAT it is you will explain.
WHY it is important to know about it.
HOW the listener can use it.
Give an EXAMPLE of how it works.

The more you use this simple approach, the more people will be motivated to put forth the effort to learn what you are
teaching.

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QUESTION:

I have a student who cut up confetti and placed it inside a folded, stapled paper. I warned him that not one piece had
better be found on school property. Otherwise, I would have him him write an essay. I want to do what you would do at this point.

RESPONSE

I would have a personal conversation letting him know that when he acts on level B he is making his own standards and
acting in a way that is not acceptable.

I would then say, "You have my full confidence that none of the confetti will leave the room, that it will be disposed
of, and that you know how to do it."

Then let him know that you think the wisest thing that could be done would be to come up with some procedure--so that if he has an impulse to do something that he knows he should not do he will be able to re-direct the impulse.

After a procedure is created to help him, have him practice it--at least THREE times. Have him imagine different
situations when an impulse could take over, but now he can redirect that mischievous impulse. Then have him write a
letter to you (rather than an Essay Form) explaining one of the situations and how he would handle it now.

Keep in mind the three principles: Be positive in your communications, imply that he has a choice but knows your
expectations, and prompt the student to reflect. [POSITIVITY, CHOICE (empowerment and expectations), and
REFLECTION (noncoercion)]

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You can share and learn more about the
RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM (RRS) at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RaiseResponsibilitySystem

Learning a procedure for responding appropriately to
impulses is described on the Impulse Management link at
http://www.marvinmarshall.com/impulsemanagement.html

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"I am so impressed with Dr. Marshall's strategies and the
simplicity of the program."

--Sarah Crippen, Education specialist
Education Service Center Region XV, San Angelo, TX

Published only in LAMINATED HARDBOUND COVER - $39.95 plus
shipping (California orders need to add sales tax.)

QUANTITY DISCOUNTS
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Order information: 800.606.6105
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Internet orders: http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com/sorder_form.html

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DESCRIPTIVE TABLE OF CONTENTS AND THREE SECTIONS ONLINE A descriptive Table of Contents, three sections (Classroom Meetings, Collaboration for Quality Learning, and Reducing Perfectionism), plus additional items of interest are posted at: http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com

SEARCH INSIDE You can view parts of the book online at Amazon's "Search Inside." On their home page,
http://www.amazon.com, in the SEARCH box on the left side, ENTER: Marvin Marshall. Click on "Go." When the book
appears, click on either the book cover or the title. When the book is in view, click on "SEARCH INSIDE." Scroll down
until you see an enlarged cover of the book. You can navigate these pages by using the arrows in the middle of
each page--or by using the "Previous Page" or "Next Page" links on the top and bottom of the pages. (The blank page is
an error in formatting.)

Marvin Marshall presents keynote speeches and seminars to SCHOOLS, SCHOOL DISTRICTS, CORPORATIONS, and STATE and NATIONAL ASSOCIATIONS.

If you are looking for a speaker for your organization, please refer to http://www.marvinmarshallpresents.com.

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REPOSTS and REPRINTS:
Permission to repost or reprint this newsletter in whole or in part is granted as long as the following link is included: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com.

COPYRIGHT:
© Copyright 2005 Marvin Marshall. All rights reserved.

If you enjoy this newsletter the following sites may be of Interest:

• This site explains the system that promotes discipline and motivation for academic achievement: http://www.MarvinMarshall.com
• This site explains how using external approaches are counterproductive to promoting responsibility: http://www.AboutDiscipline.com
• This site gives details on the book "Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards": http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com